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Saturday, October 1, 2011

Disney is a Big, Fat Liar to all Little Girls and It's Not Fair

Seriously. The Disney Princess movies should come with a disclaimer at the beginning. Warning: Your life will be nothing like this movie when you grow up. I wish it did, but the sad truth of it is: life turns out more like Bridget Jones' Diary. I'm sure you grew up watching Disney movies. Even if you're a boy, you probably watched them when you were younger, especially if you had sisters. I'll admit it, I love Disney movies. But they're full of LIES. There is never a prince with shiny hair waiting to rescue you on his stallion. (Wouldn't it be awesome if there was, though?) If life was like a Disney movie, a handsome man would show up, love me for my brains as well as my looks, and then we'd share true love's kiss and everything would be perfect. I'd be suddenly healthy, we'd move into his castle, and the people would embrace me as their princess. I would be a good and fair ruler.

But that fairy tale, it's such a lie. Such a let down. Especially when you've hit 32 and you realize that you are turning into Bridget Jones. You know where she has that epiphany and realizes that she has to change something or else she's going to live a life where her major relationship is with a bottle of wine and she'll finally die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs? Or else she was about to turn into Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction? The epiphany she has in her 32nd year? Yep, I'm in my 32nd year and I'm having the epiphany that I don't want to die fat and alone only to be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs. I'm not fat at the moment, but I am alone. That could lead to the eating of LOTS of chocolate, which could lead to me dying fat and alone and being eaten by wild dogs. Sigh.

Out of all the Princesses, I'm the most like Belle. I love to read. I yearn for something more than this provincial life. Behind my fair facade, I'm afraid I'm rather odd. I have a dreamy far-off look and my nose is always stuck in a book. I am also intelligent, witty, nice, cute, I can quote movies, I'm fun to be around, and gosh darn it, people like me. Yes, I'm an uber-nerd, but so are a lot of guys. So why the hell am I still single? Oh yes, it's because apparently Prince Charming no longer rescues you off your couch. A real Prince would. I don't do clubs. I don't drink except for once in a blue moon, so bars are really out. Plus, the guys in the bar that hit on me are NOT the ones I want. Cheesy pick-up lines are not cool. Just say hello. The guy I'd want, wouldn't hit on me. And I wouldn't talk to him unless I was plastered off my ass. That would not be a pretty sight and I can guarantee you, he would not think, "Finally, I've found the one!". Nope, he'd be doing his best to escape.
My mental picture of myself when I'm having a good day:
My mental picture of myself the rest of the time:

I want my Prince to have a brain as well as good looks. Looks will fade, he needs to be intelligent and interesting so we never get bored with each other. (By the way, the Prince in Beauty and the Beast was the least attractive of all the Princes in my opinion. Eric from The Little Mermaid was way cuter. Just sayin'.) He should be funny, my jokes shouldn't go over his head. He needs to have a kind heart. Be someone who likes me, "just as I am". I have more to add to that list, things that are lot to ask of someone, but that's what I need to start off. To keep going, it would help it he loved The Beatles, Battlestar Galactica (okay, anything sci-fi), loved to read, the list goes on and on. I know I have high expectations, but I believe everyone should. I'm not going to lower them just to be with someone. Then I'd just be with someone but be unhappy because I wasn't in love.

So, where can I meet this dream man? There must be someplace, right? In my school the options are men 15-20 years older or 10 years younger than I am. Not promising. Where do I like to hang out? A library. A bookstore. Maybe go to a park and read. I work out at home or at the gym at my apartment complex. You must also keep in mind that I am poor. That cuts off a lot of options.  But anyways, even when I do those things, I still lack the courage to talk to guys. Am I giving off some kind of funky "stay-away-from-me" vibe? I have tried online dating before and I could do it again, but I really don't want to. I hate making a profile where I can't tell the whole truth about who I am. Plus, I feel like it should happen more organically. For all that I believe Disney lied, I still believe in true love and I believe it's out there some where. I think I just bump into him one day. Maybe at Trader Joe's. Maybe he'll hit on me at Barnes & Noble. Hear that Fairy Godmother? Now, get to work! Stop slacking!

I must work out this problem fairly soon. I do not want to spend New Year's Eve singing "All By Myself" a la Bridget. I would love to hear any suggestions. What do you think I should do about this? Where should I be hanging out? Where are all the single, good men in the world? What does a guy want a girl to say that would make him want to get to know her? Should I try online dating again? Even though it has led to some awful boyfriends in the past? Should I volunteer somewhere? What hobbies do men do that I could do too? What things in general do guys do on the weekend? Help me for the love of God!  ; )

In the meantime, to my version of Mark Darcy. The man with personality of Paul Rudd and the good looks of Michael Fassbender, but he's not aware of how good looking he is, so he's not a jerk and still a geek. Fix your damn internal GPS. You're running really late. And I don't want to spend my 33rd year alone.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Would You Like Some Blackberry in Your Coleslaw?

First off, thanks for bearing with me yesterday through my pity party. Last weekend and Monday were tough. I was very tired. But I am feeling a lot better today. I hope you all are too.

So, one of the many typical things I do everyday, I did again today. I do so many dumb and dorky things all the time. When I was in junior high, before I was even diagnosed with MS (although, looking back, I can see the symptoms), I went to Knott's Berry Farm on a school trip. As we were leaving, heading back to the buses, I ran into what I thought was a child and said, "Oh, excuse me. Are you okay?". Then I look down and it's a yellow post that came up to my waist. I told you it's important to look where you're walking. ; ) My friends all got a big kick out of that one.

Today I was eating some Popeye's chicken for lunch. Yummy! I made the mistake of trying to multi-task and do something on my phone and I dropped my phone into my coleslaw. Ewww. It's okay, luckily. It's kinda sticky and I'm sure it will smell for awhile. I suppose the moral of this story is to take things one at a time.

I also stopped by the gas station on the corner by my place to get a soda. So sue me, I stay away from diet soda, per my Neurologist's advice, but I love fountain drinks. In fact, that's partly why I dumped my dumb ass ex-boyfriend. Every time we'd drive through a fast food place he'd order about $10 worth of food while I'd order a 99 cent burrito and I'd want a soda. He'd bitch and moan about the cost and say we had sodas at home. (Sodas I had bought! And if you really love a fountain drink like I do, you know they are NOT the same! That wasn't the only reason I dropped him. He was a jerk. That's enough on that subject.) Now, back to the gas station main story. Totally hot guy filling up at the gas station. What did I do? Nada. I did look at him, but he wasn't paying any attention. Maybe he was married or had a girlfriend. In which case, I'm glad he didn't look. But I'm still working on breaking through the shyness and the whole dating with MS thingamajig. I'll ponder it over the next few days.

I won't post tomorrow. Thursday is my cleaning and laundry day and I do best when I stick to my routine. I also have a tendency to sit at the computer and check facebook and my mail and do anything to put it off. So, I'll see you all soon.

Quote of the day: "Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward."- Victor Kiam

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

MS Symptoms or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

I was so fatigued over the past weekend. Was I getting sick? It felt like I was fighting off an end of summer cold. Hot days, A/C in buildings, and cooler nights; they tend to give me a cold. Or is the usual, crappy feeling that everyone with MS knows and fights on a daily basis? Or is it six of one, half a dozen of the other? I have included a link on MS and fatigue help, but I haven't found the magic cure yet. I was on Amantadine. It helped, but I am apparently allergic to it. My legs looked like you could see every vein. Very scary. Not to mention, not very aesthetically pleasing. I know it's vain, but it was also the fact that people with MS tend to run hotter; and not being able to wear shorts last summer sucked a lot. Now I am on Nuvigil. It's not covered by my insurance though. It's only about $350 a month. Yeah, don't I wish! Add to that- I've been suffering from lips that are cracking in the corners for about the past two months. I was doing some research online and saw that it could be a side effect of the Nuvigil. That sucks, because that stuff is like adding a double shot to your mocha Frappuccino! I like it, it works for me (other than the possibility it’s causing the cracked lips). So, next week, I will see my Neurologist and after that, my PCP, to find out what I can do. I do my best to keep up with my exercise, especially yoga since I feel like it centers me. God knows, people with MS need balance. I take a B12 vitamin in addition to my Women's One-a-Day. But I would love opinions on how others keep their energy up. I've read Montel Williams' books and he has a diet plan that seems great (shakes and stuff), but it doesn't seem extremely affordable or easy. I did read on about.com that someone recommended taking a 10 to 15 minute nap as needed throughout the day. I know that does help me. For someone who suffers such extreme insomnia at night, I have no problem dropping off for a 15 minute nap at any time during the day. And strangely enough, I do feel re-charged for a few hours. Now, how do I convince the rest of the world that that is acceptable behavior?

I also had a couple of days where I woke up with what I call the "MS twitch". It's waking up and doing that sleep jerk thing, like you do when you're nodding off, but a little bit more. It happens to me a lot in the mornings, usually when I am really tired. Sometimes it's accompanied by, not quite blurry vision, but it's almost like I can see an outline of my iris when I look at the wall or the floor. These symptoms are not too worrying to me. I have been feeling so much better than I was. The "twitch" and the fatigue are so much better than the double vision and the vertigo back when I was diagnosed. I know when I see my Neuro next week, he'll probably want me to schedule an MRI, but that's something I'm due for anyway.

I'm just very curious if anyone has found any natural cures for fatigue. Does anyone keep a diary of their symptoms? (I'm really bad, I don't track mine.) Are you on medication for fatigue, and if so, has it helped you? I was researching Provigil and Ampyra and I'll have to find out if they're covered by my insurance.

I was going to blog about dating the other day (or the lack of it in my life), but I was so tired I just watched movies all day. So, coming soon will be a blog about how to date with MS. How do you explain your cracked lips and the bruises from your shots, among other things? Where do you meet people nowadays? Other than online, that is? Hell, how to date in your 30's when you're a couch potato who has been told by WAY too many friends that she is "just like Liz Lemon". Nerds. Next time folks, I will tackle the issue of love: where it's hiding and how to find it. Until then, as always, take care and watch where you're walking. :)
I hope the links showed up, the first time I added them, they didn't, so I had to do it again.