Just To Clarify...

I just want to make sure that everyone understands what I was trying to say in my last blog. I'm afraid it came across differently than I meant it to.

I am aware that life is NOT a Disney movie, nor is it a fairy tale. I was just trying to point out the fact that little girls are brought up with these movies and stories that lead to a false view of the world. It is wrong and unfair.
I know that I have to participate in a finding and building a relationship. I was just complaining because it is hard to do that when you are: A) not working B) broke C) extremely shy D) spending most of your days on the couch watching Netflix. I know my shyness is something I have to overcome myself. I'm working on it.
I know that I am an amazing human being with a lot to offer someone. I have no issues with my self-esteem. I am just shy. To be fair, I'm shy around everyone when I first meet them. It just happens to be worse when it's a handsome, intelligent man. Maybe I should seek therapy to find out where that comes from. But, I know that I am a total catch and any man should count himself lucky to go out with me.
I also have no problem being single. For now. I have never been the girl that had to have a boyfriend, just to have a boyfriend. I have been fine being single many times in my life. I don't mind being single right now. I just would like to go on the occasional date. I am awesome company and do not mind being alone. However, at some point in the future, I would like to get married to a man I consider my equal and have children with him. But I am in no rush. No matter what my Nana says to me about great-grandchildren.

I believe that we all want love. Love is never perfect. Every relationship in your life you have to put some work into it. Whether it's with your significant other, your parents or children, or your friends. They all take work. However, I can't completely give up on love. Maybe I won't find it. Maybe I'll be the old spinster with 10 cats and all my books and that's fine too. Everyone has a different life path. But I can't help believing that is out there. He's probably busy making himself awesome enough to be worthy of me.

No matter what you choose in life, it's your choice. As long as YOU choose it, it's the right choice. So, I will continue being single until I find that someone worthy.

All I really wanted to know (and would still like opinions on) is where does a single, broke girl go to meet eligible men? If I have to wait for a great guy, I'd at least like to find one who can take me out occasionally to a movie or dinner. I need to end the cycle of staying in and watching those Netflix movies in my Snuggie. That's getting me nowhere.

I love you all, thank you all for the advice. Have a wonderful rainy Wednesday.

Disney is a Big, Fat Liar to all Little Girls and It's Not Fair

Seriously. The Disney Princess movies should come with a disclaimer at the beginning. Warning: Your life will be nothing like this movie when you grow up. I wish it did, but the sad truth of it is: life turns out more like Bridget Jones' Diary. I'm sure you grew up watching Disney movies. Even if you're a boy, you probably watched them when you were younger, especially if you had sisters. I'll admit it, I love Disney movies. But they're full of LIES. There is never a prince with shiny hair waiting to rescue you on his stallion. (Wouldn't it be awesome if there was, though?) If life was like a Disney movie, a handsome man would show up, love me for my brains as well as my looks, and then we'd share true love's kiss and everything would be perfect. I'd be suddenly healthy, we'd move into his castle, and the people would embrace me as their princess. I would be a good and fair ruler.

But that fairy tale, it's such a lie. Such a let down. Especially when you've hit 32 and you realize that you are turning into Bridget Jones. You know where she has that epiphany and realizes that she has to change something or else she's going to live a life where her major relationship is with a bottle of wine and she'll finally die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs? Or else she was about to turn into Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction? The epiphany she has in her 32nd year? Yep, I'm in my 32nd year and I'm having the epiphany that I don't want to die fat and alone only to be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs. I'm not fat at the moment, but I am alone. That could lead to the eating of LOTS of chocolate, which could lead to me dying fat and alone and being eaten by wild dogs. Sigh.

Out of all the Princesses, I'm the most like Belle. I love to read. I yearn for something more than this provincial life. Behind my fair facade, I'm afraid I'm rather odd. I have a dreamy far-off look and my nose is always stuck in a book. I am also intelligent, witty, nice, cute, I can quote movies, I'm fun to be around, and gosh darn it, people like me. Yes, I'm an uber-nerd, but so are a lot of guys. So why the hell am I still single? Oh yes, it's because apparently Prince Charming no longer rescues you off your couch. A real Prince would. I don't do clubs. I don't drink except for once in a blue moon, so bars are really out. Plus, the guys in the bar that hit on me are NOT the ones I want. Cheesy pick-up lines are not cool. Just say hello. The guy I'd want, wouldn't hit on me. And I wouldn't talk to him unless I was plastered off my ass. That would not be a pretty sight and I can guarantee you, he would not think, "Finally, I've found the one!". Nope, he'd be doing his best to escape.
My mental picture of myself when I'm having a good day:

My mental picture of myself the rest of the time:

I want my Prince to have a brain as well as good looks. Looks will fade, he needs to be intelligent and interesting so we never get bored with each other. (By the way, the Prince in Beauty and the Beast was the least attractive of all the Princes in my opinion. Eric from The Little Mermaid was way cuter. Just sayin'.) He should be funny, my jokes shouldn't go over his head. He needs to have a kind heart. Be someone who likes me, "just as I am". I have more to add to that list, things that are lot to ask of someone, but that's what I need to start off. To keep going, it would help it he loved The Beatles, Battlestar Galactica (okay, anything sci-fi), loved to read, the list goes on and on. I know I have high expectations, but I believe everyone should. I'm not going to lower them just to be with someone. Then I'd just be with someone but be unhappy because I wasn't in love.

So, where can I meet this dream man? There must be someplace, right? In my school the options are men 15-20 years older or 10 years younger than I am. Not promising. Where do I like to hang out? A library. A bookstore. Maybe go to a park and read. I work out at home or at the gym at my apartment complex. You must also keep in mind that I am poor. That cuts off a lot of options.  But anyways, even when I do those things, I still lack the courage to talk to guys. Am I giving off some kind of funky "stay-away-from-me" vibe? I have tried online dating before and I could do it again, but I really don't want to. I hate making a profile where I can't tell the whole truth about who I am. Plus, I feel like it should happen more organically. For all that I believe Disney lied, I still believe in true love and I believe it's out there some where. I think I just bump into him one day. Maybe at Trader Joe's. Maybe he'll hit on me at Barnes & Noble. Hear that Fairy Godmother? Now, get to work! Stop slacking!

I must work out this problem fairly soon. I do not want to spend New Year's Eve singing "All By Myself" a la Bridget. I would love to hear any suggestions. What do you think I should do about this? Where should I be hanging out? Where are all the single, good men in the world? What does a guy want a girl to say that would make him want to get to know her? Should I try online dating again? Even though it has led to some awful boyfriends in the past? Should I volunteer somewhere? What hobbies do men do that I could do too? What things in general do guys do on the weekend? Help me for the love of God!  ; )

In the meantime, to my version of Mark Darcy. The man with personality of Paul Rudd and the good looks of Michael Fassbender, but he's not aware of how good looking he is, so he's not a jerk and still a geek. Fix your damn internal GPS. You're running really late. And I don't want to spend my 33rd year alone.

Some days, I hate Facebook...

And no, it's not the new layout. It's the fact that every time I log on, I have a couple of friends who apparently have AMAZING husbands who do WONDERFUL things for them like buy them flowers because it's a cloudy Tuesday or make them dinner because they (the girls) have had a rough day. I know, in my heart of hearts, I should be very happy for these old friends, right? But when they post every other day about how WONDERFUL their husbands are, how BLESSED their marriage is, I can't help but wonder: "Are you full of shit?". Do you realize that you're bragging? I'm not talking about the girls that post every once in awhile. I'm speaking about a few who do this every other day. Are their husbands really THAT AMAZING?!?!? I can't help but feel that the rest of the time their husbands are pretty crummy or boring and they have to post these things to make up for it. Or why don't they post the AMAZING things that they themselves have done? They are my friends for a reason! They have more interesting lives than what their hubbies have done for them lately, right?

I guess I'm just in a crappy mood and I'd rather experience that evil schadenfreude feeling at times like this. Maybe it's just a day where I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I better get back in and get back out on the other side.

On another note, I'm back in school. I did not get my Terminology class even though I was up early and then up late to petition it. I am taking computers. If my posts are less frequent, that's why. I've been fairly fatigued. Happy Hump Day. I hope you are feeling less evil than I am today. ; )

Just as a late P.S. to this... this is NOT directed to any of my followers! I am speaking about a few particular people (whom I do actually love! Did I use "whom" correctly?) that I have not told about this blog so please friends DO NOT think, "Hmm, is she referring to me?". I'm not. :)